Several ADHD specialists have mentioned ADHD is an expensive lifestyle. I completely agree.
I wouldn’t have a cleaning lady come at all if my ADHD husband could pick up his crap all over the place and give a hand more. But, without ‘the cleaning lady needs the stuff to be picked up,’ I would be the bad guy, arguments would arise, and sometimes it would just fall to me anyway.
But for all the small things that have a cost, I’ve come to realize how important it still is to ask myself the question, “Will this cost me more money or time later on?” The answer is usually yes.
I’m the dog person, my ADHD-inattentive husband is the cat person. I took the dog to the vet for flea medication in the spring/early summer. I asked if he would do the same for the cats. They didn’t even need the check-up. It only required a call to the vet and to pick up the medication. The cost would have been about $40 for our two cats.
My ask was up on the whiteboard we use. At one point, it had a date and deadline. There were reminders of all sorts. Now it is fall. One of the cats looks ill and is getting thin, so I scheduled a vet appointment. My ADHD husband said he would take the cat. That didn’t work out because he lost his wallet that day. I was at work. To my happy surprise, he rescheduled and put it on the calendar. Yay progress!
On the day of the rescheduled appointment, my ADHD partner was hyper-focused on a project and not looking for work but upset he wasn’t getting time for work. So, I left work early to take the cat and brought our toddler with me. Reminder–I’m 36 weeks pregnant, not sleeping well, super uncomfortable, working full time while sometimes watching our toddler, and starting to get pissed off for the day. He was hyperfocused and likely dealing with his critical inner voice of not focusing on the correct thing. I wasn’t comfortable trying to get him to go. That likely would have resulted in an RSD reaction.
Those frustrated feelings aside, the vet bill was $450. It’s likely a flea/worm issue that could have been prevented with the flea medication weeks/months ago. I’m also 4 hours behind on work now and need to find time to get that in this week.
This is not a one-off occurrence. It happens with traffic or parking tickets, car registration, credit card payments, late fees, etc. I handle most of our finances, but for the small things that come up, which are related to his personal responsibility, or agreed-upon responsibility, it will often cost more money and/or time in the long run.
It’s difficult to balance ‘when do I let him handle it because it is not mine? and when do I handle it because it will get worse?’ If it is an issue that will impact our kids or me, I lean toward jumping in.
I remind myself to keep asking, ‘Will this cost me more money or time later on?’
